To A Woman I Have Never Met


Usually I make a point of starting all correspondence with “Dear…” but you are not now, nor will you ever be, dear to me. So much so that I cannot bring myself to write it.

You will never read this, in fact I very much doubt even your daughter will read it. But that is not why I am writing it.

My anger, neigh my disgust at you is such that I cannot let it be contained within me, for fear that it has the power to poison my blood. How dare you speak to your own child like that? How dare you leave her in pieces and abandon her to pick them up herself? How do you wake up in the morning, look at a child that tries so hard, that struggles so much and that loves so deeply and turn your back on her?

Perhaps you don’t.

But it is the only way I can rationalise your behaviour, that you simply do not care, or worse yet they you honesty harbour malice towards your own daughter. I have not lived in your house, I cannot attest to her treatment of you, nor can I say that I have witnessed your treatment of her. But I can say that I have spent hours worrying desperately about a person you destroy in SECONDS. I can tell you that whilst you move on, whilst you start new arguments and cause fresh heartache I am replaying the last conversation of that sort in my mind and hoping that I said the right thing. I stopped tears, or provided warmth in the winter of your relationship.

I cannot say that I have witnessed one of your arguments, but I have witnessed the fall out, I have seen the aftermath and walked in the shadow of your destruction. I am in a position to dislike you.

To a woman I have never met, you make me sick beyond words, you pain me beyond pain, and I dislike you not only in my conscious mind, but in my soul.

To a woman I have never met, I am not a mother, but one day I hope to be one and I can only pray that my children will never feel as your children feel.

To a woman I have never met, it is entirely possible that I one day will meet you, and I will smile my sales assistant smile and trot out my customer voice and be polite and gracious and the cookie cutter bright-young-girl I have been my entire life and you will not know that inside I am seething.

To a woman I have never met, she is better than you in every way. You don’t know that yet, but let me tell you, to everyone else is it is glaringly obvious.

To a woman I have never met, I am truly sorry you cannot see her worth, because I do, and others do, and we are blinded daily by her light, we are amazed endlessly by her intelligence, and we are left breathless by her endearing charm and effortless wit.

To a woman I have never met, I dislike you, but perhaps I pity you more.




Group chats

This week I’ve been thinking about group chats, why you ask? Well, because I spend wayyyy too much of my life on them not to think about group chats. But first, some background…

It all started about two years ago…

[Cue dreamy wiggly music]

I was added entirely without warning to a group chat full of strangers who proceeded to verbally abuse me at the behest of someone who I looked upon not only as a friend, but as family. Someone who was in my mind almost above reproach because I loved them like I loved my own self. Unfortunately for me, family meant very little to them. The result, I spent literally months building up to the point when I could have my phone on all day without having sudden bouts of anxiety, where I could receive a message without being on the verge of a panic attack. I got there. Eventually. It took me a long while, and even now I’m not 100% when it comes to social media (group chats in particular), so how is it I spend a solid 70% of my time on one?

The answer:

Bugger knows.

But I manage it. I think they’ve become such an ingrained part of how we communicate, with their own entirely separate rules of etiquette and socialisation, that to disassociate myself would leave me entirely out in the cold. That’s not to say they always go to plan though. This week I’ve been thinking about group chats, because they’ve gone tits up.

Incident One:

Incident one happened mid week when my friend (mostly friend? kinda friend?) of about seven years accused another one of our friends of taking drugs. In town. With maybe-friends boyfriend. What??? And worse yet she did it on the group chat???? Not a direct message????? Pretty sure it was for attention but hey, what do I know? The result was this particularly dramatic series of messages between me and another member of the group chat about events on the group chat:

I’m still flabbergasted about this! What on earth led this person to openly accuse someone we both know not just of taking drugs, but of doing drugs with her own boyfriend? What would have led her to that situation? And worse yet, after she’d done this, she kept telling the girl she’d accused to “Chill”. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? You can’t cause an argument and then try to end it, that’s not how it works!

Incident number one is a perfect example of how things can go from 0-100 really quickly on group chats, and more importantly of how people can use them to show others up or gain attention they want. Everyone likes a bit of attention here and there, but group chats allow a certain level of immediate gratification, you can ask for attention and support and receive without delay, most of the time thats pretty good, sometimes it goes a bit wonky. Now I’m as bad as anyone else when it comes to this (you think I write a personal blog just for the joy of writing? Getting attention has to come in there somewhere right?) but I think I’m in a position to say that this individual was doing nothing but seeking attention, and furthermore seeking to stain the name of one of my closest friends. Incident number one is a brilliant example of the issues I have with group chats.

Incident Two:

Ok, so after all that stress incident number two is actually a lot funnier and lighter. Long story short I accidentally added one of my Uni mates to a group chat of all my girl friends planning a coffee morning and bitching about maybe-friend. This poor bloke found himself in the somewhat turbulent waters of all female friendship. Whoops?

Luckily he’s a pretty chill dude and the whole incident was as funny as it was embarrassing. In other news, I shouldn’t be allowed to use social media, because I’m a mess.

What are your thoughts on group chats?

Let me know


TheSarcastic Blogger